P.S.: This is an open letter to the tenth avatar of Vishnu who is supposedly known as Kalki. This post may contain abuses, cuss words and mockery of the educated, self-proclaimed scholars who come up with their own definitions of religions. I expect getting roughed up by liberals and fanatics because I may have stamped on the weak nerve of their bodies.

Hey Dude!

Yeah Mr. Kalki. I am referring this to You. Sorry if I haven’t addressed You in a formal way like Respected Sir, God or Guru. You see, I come from the country where You are supposedly going to be born and brought up. Off late, I have been reading loads about You on Quora and Wikipedia. Actually, You have garnered a lot of attention and interest from me, for the reasons best known to me. So where do I start from? Alright, let me confess something. There was a message, “My religion is of liberation and not restriction (sic)” that provoked me to write this one. But I realized that I can’t ask every person to_ **STFU (Shut The F**k Up)**_. So the apt way, for me, was to write this letter to You.

So, I have heard that You are going to born with an intention to end Kali Yuga and usher Krita Yuga (other name for Satya Yuga). You are supposedly going to have eight mystic opulence and qualities related to God or say superhuman types. You shall be having a white horse called Devdutta (God gifted) and a silver sword in Your hand, trained by one of Your previous incarnations Lord Parshurama. I have also read that He (Lord Parshurama) will instruct you to do a ghor tapasya (severe penance) in order to receive a celestial weapon.

Dude! You may become the most famous God when you plan to descend on earth in some March/April of coming years! By that time, I may not be able to meet you. But let me help you give some tips to survive in India before you start your conquest of this planet. This country consists of Banc**ds (c**ts whose favorite pastime is banning anything they dislike)

My first advice to You is to beware of them! Freedom of speech, out here, comes with terms and conditions. And so do relationships. There is no scope of give-give. You shall be entertained only if You have something to give them in return. You may call it as bribery. You can experience this at any government offices around this planet.

My second advice for you is to be careful of what You speak and what You do. If people like Your words, they will hail You as Godman and if not then be prepared to get banned! In both the cases, not good!

My third piece of advice is keep Your friends close and Your frenemies closer. Your enemy may be wearing the mask of friendship or relationship.

Lastly, do not become a **Ch*ya (fool) and give promises that you can’t fulfill because that might turn you into a politician!

Coming back to the religion thing, ever since I was born, I have learned a few things about being religious. Being tolerant, nonviolent, compassionate, adjustable, lovable, caring, forgiving. Let me tell You something, many talk about liberation. According to me, it means freeing ourselves from our bad qualities i.e. pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth.

But the definition of liberation may change depending on the situation. You might be asked to liberate Yourself from Your duties, family, friends, work. In short, You got to liberate or cut ties with any damned person, thing that may not be in interest of other people. This has made me lose my interest in believing God or worship Him.

So you better think twice before taking any kind of step. As of now, fatwas and bans seem to be in fashion. Speaking truthfully about bans, here are a the most important ban that You should get familiar about.

A girl roaming around with a guy is banned. (I have heard Devi Lakshmi is going to be Your love interest in the form of Padma. Make sure you don’t do anything that draws ire of public and Banc**ds.) Wearing clothes that provoke rape is banned. Taking her alone for movies or on a date is banned.

If You are planning to join the bandwagon of banning things then here’s the list that You should work upon. But make sure You don’t end up getting banned.

Now. If You succeed in avoiding a ban on Yourself, then kindly pay heed to one of my requests. Just get rid of people who lecture on religion, morals and values. As per my experience, people like clerics, priests, fathers who carry veiled attacks in the name of religion should berated in public. Loads of people speak about moral policing, truth and justice. Yet they wear masks of lies and deceit. You will also encounter white-and-white salesmen/saleswomen of religion (my version of so called sanyaasis, sanyaasins, godmen, godwomen) who brainwash and mislead the people in the name of God. For more details on this topic, I suggest You to watch Oh My God and PK! You shall figure out why Gods have lost their importance!

Lastly, if You wish to teach the inhabitants of earth a lesson then teach them how to respect their parents! If they can’t serve their parents then they have no authority to serve The Gods of Old and New. They have no right to preach about how to follow the footsteps that lead to God.

Long back I had written a quote, “A soul is anything honest that is trapped inside a body of lies.” I would like to add something more by saying, “When the body corrupts, death is inevitable and when the soul corrupts, rebirth is.”

If You seriously want to preach about religion then preach about living in harmony. Preach about tolerance. About loving your family. About harming no person either by thought or by action or by deed. Don’t try to force feed the knowledge in people through fear. Explain them with logic and love. Let them choose their own path of salvation but Be their guiding light. That’s when You will truly succeed in defeating The Age of Kali and the atheist in me.

In case, if You are hurt by my letter then sorry to say this but I ain’t sorry for writing this post! I would prefer being a non-believer in God rather than being a salesman of God who corrupts the mind of one and all!


With Love,

An Atheist

Peace, Poetry and Power

Bhavin Shah